June 13th 2010

Je suis en France! Merveilleux! Tony and I had a very civilised night near the Bastille watching England vs USA in the World Cup (how disappointing was that?) and we woke up divinely late this morning and walked down into Le Marais to eat lunch in a wonderful restaurant. I so love sitting outside drinking coffee watching life go by and Paris is the best place for that. We wandered around the Jewish Quarter all afternoon and bought some beautiful decorative wall tiles by a Canadian designer named Sid Dickens, which would make beautiful gifts, and then collected our luggage before heading back to the Gare du Nord to catch the train to Compiégne where Tony stays when filming in France.

It’s been good taking time out and great fun wandering around Paris, but today for some reason I feel totally disconnected from myself. If I had to put it into words it would be like having a cold and knowing that the fine cuisine that you are eating is a glorious, aromatic medley of perfect flavours but you just can’t taste or smell a thing. I guess it has been a strange few weeks for me in terms of emotions, and spending time away from home without any responsibilities has given permission for these emotions to surface. I thought I would feel a sense of achievement and relief on reaching the anniversary of my father’s passing on June 1st as the months that followed my parents’ deaths were filled with constant reminders that they were no longer with us. But I don’t. We had all, in our own ways, prepared ourselves for the first birthday celebrations, the first summer visit from my sister and my nephews, the first Christmas and the first Easter and so on without them and in truth each event was far more joyful then I could ever have imagined or hoped it could be.

I have become used to not calling my parents when there is good news to share but despite all those potentially huge emotional hurdles that we’ve all met, and survived, I probably miss them more than ever. I fully understand why people continually drive themselves forward to keep feelings hidden and I have many friends who are constantly in need of the next great adventure, and whilst goals and ambitions are not bad things, stillness is also in order. I love to be busy but it’s also good to be quiet. It gives me time to reflect and focus on what is important in my life.

This entry was posted on 17. June 2010 at 22:01 and is filed under Sarah Fisher. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site.